end.

I'm officially ending the life of this blog. No, I'm not tired of it neither am I using the new one to mark some event in my life. This is just something I've wanted to do for awhile.

So for those of you who are interested, http://www.urbanmusings.wordpress.com is the new one.. I will attempt to blog more often... See you there!

wishing you were here.


It's been a month since you've gone back to Perth. And by the time you're back to Singapore in December, we would have survived half the journey... Looking at it from this perspective does make it sound alot faster and easier to bear.

But people who have been in my life 5 months ago would know that this journey has been far from easy. At the point when I thought things were going well, they weren't. My world came crashing down the day that email came. The next 3 months were the hardest to bear and I almost gave up hope. But God had a bigger plan for all that.. My trip to Perth was His bigger plan.

Looking at you through the eyes of my webcam feels really surreal. Thank God, though, for Skype... It has been my best link to you these past few months. I miss having you around. I miss the nightly coffees we share... I miss your hugs and above everything else, I miss you so much.

It hasn't been easy but God has been good. The situation at work has taken a turn for the better and though I'm more tired these days than ever, I know I made the right decision. B, thank you for being ever so patient and understanding. The distance sometimes frustrate me because I want to see you so bad... But its simply not possible... Flipping through the pages of our Perth photo scrap book last night made me cry. For a very simple reason; I missed you...

The pressures of handling things at work sometimes wear me down and I feel as though I'm constantly barraging through a brick wall. The obstacles seem impossible to clear and I sometimes see no end in the problems I face. But God always provide some sort of relief in His amazing way. I thank God for the wonderful colleagues I have and superiors who are supportive.. The girls may be tough to handle but I need to trust Him for a solution.

B, I wish you're here... What wouldn't I trade just to have you hold me in your arms now, even for 5 mins... I feel so alone at times and I'm sometimes tired of being independent and having to handle things on my own. Yet, I'm well aware of the little things I should be thankful for.. That though we're so far away from each other, our relationship has survived the trials thrown our way... Thank you for making efforts to cheer me up or even praying for me.. We will walk this path together...

I love you, B...

loving.

This entry is for you....

It's been a really wonderful 2 weeks... To have you back home and to be able to hang out at our usual places.. In 2 days, all that will change again and you'll be back in Perth, 5 hours away from me...

I had a wonderful time these few weeks, and the 3 weeks we had in June... Baby, it's been tough but we made it... And tonight, the things you said to me really showed me how much you love me... It hasn't been easy on you either but God had a purpose for everything that has happened and He's got a great plan for us...

Hang in there... We're in this together.. And before we know it, you'll be back for Christmas.. 4 months... We'll walk this path together, hand in hand...

I love you, baby...

back home.

2 weeks. 14 days. Very precious 2 weeks we have together before he flies back to Perth. The last 6 months has been a roller coaster experience of sorts. Things literally went up and down. I'm glad that they're back up again.

Walking to the departure gate at the Perth airport was tough. Having to turn around and see him wave good bye to me was tough. Very tough. I had to watch him walk through the departure gates at Changi 4 months ago and that itself was something I never wanted to go through again. But in 12 days, I'll have to go through that once again.

This is for those people who have been telling me, 2 years? Very fast one, it'll be over before you know it. If I could be allowed to be rude for just this moment, I'll tell you to shove it. Shut up, you. Yes, you. The person who, with good intentions, try to make me feel better by saying such things.
You, who has never had to go through being apart from a loved one for periods of time. You, who said, "Wah, 3 weeks in Perth ah? So long! What are you going to do there?"

Yes I am well aware that 2 years will pass quickly. But having to live day by day waiting and looking forward to the end of that 2 years is extremely painful. Every moment you have together is so precious. Yes, 3 weeks was a long time to be away. But every single moment spent with him was so special.

Thank you baby, for making the 3 weeks so enjoyable. I'm glad I made the trip eventually. And now that you're back for 2 weeks, I'm really happy. Perhaps happy beyond description is most apt. I probably sound damn sappy to some but I don't really care. He's back, even though only for 2 weeks... Good enough for me..

So, the next time anyone is thinking of saying that its a short time and will pass quickly, don't. Because you just don't get it. So just shut up. Because I'm sick and tired of hearing it. If you're a true friend, you'll understand.

kids.

A father told me this today : "It's been said, parents spend the first 2 years of their child's life teaching them to talk and the next 18 years telling them to shut up."

That tickled me to no end today because his little boy was happily blabbering away and daddy was obviously exasperated. I've had friends who tell me, "I can't get him/her to stop talking!!" It's funny how kids turn normal, intelligent adults into flustered and agitated parents. Parents who in the day, are in control at work but at night, spend many sleepless nights trying to figure their kids out.

Having been in this industry for the past 6 years with these little ones, it has given me many memorable and happy times, and many exasperating moments. But it is always gratifying to see a child who yells the house down on his first day of school, walk in to the centre a week later with a big smile on his face and happily waving bye to mummy. To see a child who for the life of him just cannot seem to add 1 and 1, be able to now add 1 and 2.. I'm not a parent but I certainly appreciate the moments in my teaching career where I've seen my 'kids' grow up.

This aspect of my career ended when I took on this job. I'm still surrounded by kids but now, I don't have the priviledge of taking them myself. I miss that... I miss having hugs and kisses from them in the morning. I miss receiving drawings and little notes. I miss the kid who used to bring me a flower from his garden every morning. I miss the feeling of having a child prefer me to carry her over another teacher.

I miss all that... These days, I still get hugs and kisses, but it feels different now... I constantly worry about daily operations and profit line. I'm constantly bitched about behind my back and in my face. I get accused of being incompetent and not being able to fight for people's rights.

I left my comfort zone for a battle field. But I'm glad and thankful for the support management constantly provides. Ironically, I love my job. I just really miss those times...

musing.

I'm beginning to feel that blogging is not a form of release after all. I want to say certain things but yet, I can't do it because of certain limitations. I feel as though my blog is stifling me... Maybe I should start a new blog.. Where no one I know reads it and I can just say what I want....

Am I that difficult to understand and read? I just want to be understood... Why do I always have to spell everything out? I feel as though I'm begging to be heard and loved...

It's been a really long week... I just want some respite... Is that alot to ask of?

random-ness.

It's 1am on a work day and I am blogging when I should be sleeping, while my dearest is on skype with me.. He's not really talking much sense right now.. That's because he is gaming while talking to me.. The nerve of him! But then, I'm not any better.. To amuse myself, I decided to blog. Because I realised that it's been awhile since I last blogged.

Much has happened in the last month and while I'm inclined to blog an entire month's worth of news... I shall not, because. Yes, that's just me. Random and the ultimate bitch, sometimes. Just a quick update though, things at work are picking up and perhaps its the 3 weeks break that I had, I'm feeling rejuvenated and more energised. That's a good thing, by the way... Things with niceguy are going well.. And in 10 days, he'll be back in sg.. 2 weeks.. Really short, but hey, I'm not about to complain. I know its gona whizz by but like he said, each trip back will mean we're nearing the day when he finally comes back for good.

And hell yeah, I'm looking forward to that. On a separate note, I've been thinking about stuff. Not necessarily important stuff, but just stuff. One of them would be people. It never ceases to amaze me to meet people who make it their life's mission to be the thorn in someone's behind. Some people try real hard, while others have this fascinating natural ability. The other kind would be those who blatantly accuse others of something they themselves have done. That, is bloody lying in your face!

But yet, if you think about it, if such people never existed.. Then I would have nothing to blog about.. And this entry would be filled with boring stuff like how beautiful the world is and how wonderful people are... Both of which are lies, by the way. The world isn't beautiful anymore and people are born sinners. Hah, theology 101 at you.

Ok, I do have to catch some shut eye because I start malfunctioning at work tomorrow. I have my battles to fight and I'm going to make myself a really strong cuppa coffee tomorrow morning.

Good night folks!